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erhaps Hollywood has tired of bang-up, kill everybody explosions, since the world's been on the brink of destruction all summer. This fall, the theaters are burning up with love scenes. We've got sexually oppressed Mormans, warped husbands and wives and a drunken stroll down lover's lane. If that's not enough to get you to the theaters, what the hell's wrong with you?

October Films
Holy dildo, choda boy! It's another movie from the "South Park" guys. And boy, is it a doozy. Join Joe Young (Trey Parker), a devout young Mormon looking to raise money for a wedding to his lady love (Robyn Lynne Raab, City of Angels ) in the posh Mormon temple. While delivering God's message in Beverly Hills, Joe meets porn maven Maxxx Orbison (Michael Dean Jacobs). The sleazy Orbison offers him thousands to star as Captain Orgzmo, the virile superhero who, with the help of his sex-toy/weapon-toting sidekick Choda Boy (Dian Bachar, BASEketball), vanquishes villains with his orgasm-inducing weapon, the Orgazmorator. We can't wait for the orgasmorator to make it's way to toy stores everywhere. Oh, yes!

New Line Cinema
He's been a lover, a policeman, an FBI agent and an escaped convict. Now he's a vampire chaser. Through a strange human/vampire mating thing, Wesley Snipes possesses all the powers of a vampire, but none of its weaknesses. And it's his job to confront the wicked vampire overlord (Stephen Dorff) and stop him from conquering all of mankind. That's all we need - another guy stopping the annihilation of the human race. At least he's not chasing an asteroid.

The Governess
Sony Pictures Classics
The divine Miss Driver is once again gracing the big screen with her presence. This time, she plays a spunky Jewish governess who has a torrid love affair with her employer, Charles Cavendish (Tom Wilkinson). The plot thickens when the boss's dashing son Henry (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) comes home from the university only to fall in love with Minnie himself. Egad! Looks like we've got a love triangle on our hands.

The Slums of Beverly Hills
Fox Searchlight
This is no 90210. When a broken family moves to the outskirts of posh Beverly Hills in search of a better life, they quickly discover the comedic horror of cramming four people into a seedy one-bedroom apartment. Unfortunately, for Vivian Abramowitz (Natasha Lyonne, Krippendorf's Tribe), this horror is coupled with the onset of puberty and her misguided choice of a role model: her slutty, screwed-up cousin Rita (Marisa Tomei). Laugh your way through the trials and tribulations of this dysfunctional family that is down and out in Beverly Hills.

Dead Man On Campus
Paramount Pictures
Would you believe that if you're roommate commits suicide, you automatically get a 4.0? Well, neither would we. But the two stars of this flick are not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer. Follow honors student Josh (Tom Everett Scott, An American Werewolf in Paris) down the path of college freedom led by none other than Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Yep, good ol' Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell. This time, he's a wild man who causes his roomie to stray from his studies to enjoy the finer things in life - booze, babes and bongs. All is well until both realize they are flunking every class. Join them on their hilarious quest for a suicidal roommate who will save them with the infamous "dead man clause" and kill himself.

Artisan Entertainment
One: Mathematics is the language of nature. Two: Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers. Three: If you graph the numbers of any system, patterns emerge. Therefore: There are patterns everywhere in nature. Confused, yet? This is just the first two minutes. To boggle your mind for two hours, check out Darren Aronofsky's award-winning, sci-fi masterpiece, in which Maxmillian Cohen (newcomer Sean Gullette) figures out the ordered chaos of the stock market, only to have chaos ensue. Finally, a movie true brainiacs can sink their pocket protectors into.

Fine Line Features
Get your minds out of the gutter! This comedy tells the story of a goofy Baltimore kid named Pecker (Edward Furlong, Terminator 2), whose amateur photography is "discovered" by a famous New York art dealer (Lili Taylor, Ransom). The lives of his culturally challenged, blue-collar family and borderline-neurotic girlfriend (Christina Ricci, Buffalo 66) are thrown into upheaval as they come under the scrutiny of the New York art world. And for you perverts that are wondering, he got his name because he pecked at his food when he was little. Sickos!

Urban Legend
Ever hear of the guy who was slipped at jimmy at a party only to wake up in a bathtub full of ice water, missing both of his kidneys? Or, the alligators in the sewers of New York that swim up your toilet and bite you in the ass? While these stories are both untrue and silly, an urban myth at Pendleton College in New England has turned deadly for a group of gorgeous co-eds. If this horror flick doesn't get you screaming, the babes alone will leave you panting for air. (Alicia Witt, TV's "Cybil," Rebecca Gayheart, Scream 2, and Jerod Leto, TV's "My So Called Life") Gasp, gasp.

Miramax Films
In the world of poker, a rounder is a hustler. And who better to play a lovable, yet troubled hustler than the delectable Matt Damon. Starring as Mike, an enigmatic, talented young poker player in New York's high-stakes poker world, he leaves the glitz and glamour of gambling to pursue a law degree and a relationship with his girlfriend Jo (Gretchen Mol, The Last Time I Committed Suicide). Unfortunately, the only way for him to help his troubled best friend Edward Norton (Primal Fear) is to deal himself back into the game. Whatever. We're just hoping Matt'll be playing strip poker somewhere in this one.

Your Friends and Neighbors
Gramercy Pictures
The director of In the Company of Men is again serving up a tale of modern immorality. This time, he follows the sordid intimate lives of husbands, wives, friends and neighbors as they navigate their way through personal relationships. An ensemble cast, including Natassja Kinski, Jason Patric and Ben Stiller, make this one a must-see. And if it's anything like Neil LaBute's first movie, you'll hate it so much that you'll love it.

Permanent Midnight
Artisan Entertainment
The humor in this Hollywood biography about Jerry Stahl, creator of the TV series, "Alf," is as dark as midnight. The film version of this popular autobiography stars Ben Stiller as the struggling, neurotic, addict Stahl, with Elizabeth Hurley (Austin Powers) as his ex-wife, comedian Janeane Garofalo as his agent and Maria Bello ("ER") as his current love interest. In a drunken haze, Stiller explains to Bello how his chaotic life has contributed to his increasing addictions. Whew, heavy stuff.

FLIXTOUR: Don't have the juice to score tickets to Sundance? No cash to rub elbows in Cannes? Don't worry. Here's an indie film tour that comes to you, and it's free. For the second year in a row, the Flixtour is bringing indie flicks and their directors to college campuses. Wanna see if your college is one of the lucky ones on this year's Flixtour? Point your browser to www.flixtour.com.

A Reason to Believe: One out of every four women in this country will be raped in her lifetime. For those of you who think it can't happen to you, Douglas Tirola's A Reason to Believeis a must-see. This poignant, realistic college drama takes a look at date rape without reducing it to a cheesy afterschool special. Tirola and writer Christopher Trela will be visiting schools throughout the nation to screen the film and host discussions on the subject. Keep your eyes peeled at your school to see this award-winner.

A Night at the Roxbury
Watch out, ladies - the Butabi brothers are in town. Complete with gold chains, sideburns and shiny, swingin' leisure suits, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell are taking their head-bobbing, body-grinding "Saturday Night Live" skit to the big screen in A Night at the Roxbury.

So where did the inspiration for these pathetic club-hopping guidos come from? A happening Los Angeles nightclub, of course. When Kattan and Ferrell were starting their comedic careers as members of L.A.'s famed Groundlings comedy

troupe, they visited a local bar and saw the man that helped create their characters. "This guy was just standing at the bar and holding a beer, looking for women to spot him and see his moves," says Kattan. "He would just scope out the hotties for hours. He never got lucky, and it was very sad. But it was very funny because this guy was so confident and so pathetic."

Making movie adaptations of SNL skits is nothing new, and the hilarious presence of SNLers Molly Shannon and Colin Quinn is no surprise. But a few of the actors in this flick have really crawled out of the woodwork. Richard Grieco, for example. "We wanted some star who hasn't been a star for a while and was willing to make fun of himself," says Kattan. "Throughout the whole movie, we call him Richard Grieco because we think it's so cool to say his name."

Cool? Like the Butabi brothers would know anything about cool.

First Love, Last Rites
The guy behind those MTV spots featuring neurotic, slimy cabbie Jimmy McBride and the Mentos-spoofing Foo Fighters "Big Me" video has a new story to tell. A love story. In his feature film directorial debut, Jesse Peretz leads Giovanni Ribisi (Saving Private Ryan) and Natasha Gregson Wagner (Two Girls and a Guy) in an adaptation of Ian McEwan's novel First Love, Last Rites.

If you're looking for another Jennifer Love movie about big-busted teenage angst, keep looking. Former Lemonheads bass player Peretz wants to show moviegoers the dark underbelly of what happens when puppy love wears off. "I'm hoping that people believe these characters are in love at the beginning, then get creeped out by the darker, weirder things that are going on," Peretz says. "The main thing is for people to feel like it represents some kind of truth."

And the truth is, this film about first love gone bad is pretty complex under a facade of simplicity. Metaphors pop up from every nook and cranny in this tale of insecurity, eroticism and anxiety. "The film is completely based on the nuances of [Ribisi and Gregson Wagner's] relationship," he says. "There's no big plot twist or action sequences to fall back on."

Who needs mass explosions and car bombs when the ups and downs of a pair of young lovers will leave your stomach in knots?

By Julie Keller, Assistant Editor

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