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View All of Chef Rossi's Cooking Articles

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Makin' Biscuits...
I mean really biscuits, it can't just be about making money, or getting through school, or shopping, or dating the cutest thang in town, (hmmm, sounds good actually). But no really, there has got to be more to this thing called living than all this material, temporary crap.

I'm talking full-fledged deepness here darlins. The whole shebang: Truth, goodness, excellence, brilliant scintillation, the reaaalll deaalll!

I want door number three!!

Oh yes my prairie pralines, I am ready, willing, and so dad-burned able -- it'll make your heart spin! Because it is time to let go of the lettuce, toss out the Tofu and branch out from bran flakes!

Oh yes. It's here. It's right. It's ready. CAN YOU FEEL IT?! It's time for... SUGAR! Yeeehahahaha!

What, you didn't really think I was going spiritual on you did ya? I mean really, darlins, I do have my reputation to uphold and it's a trashy, trashy reputation if I do say so myself.

So let's get down to business. I'm tired of being good and so are you. I want sweet temptation and I want it now! Show me the sugar!

Well here it is babies and here we go! Yaaahooo!

Blueberry and Tart Apple Crisp
Peel six Granny Smith Apples and slice into half moons. Toss with two cups of blueberries. Juice one lemon and toss with fruit. Add a half-cup of sugar, a drizzle of cointreau and toss again. Pour fruit into a buttered baking pan. Make a crisp out of mixing equal parts oats, flour and brown sugar. Add a little salt and about half as much butter as you have flour. Mix all until you get a crumble and sprinkle over the fruit. Top with a few pinches of cinnamon and bake until crusty -- 45 minutes to an hour. Serve as is, with ice cream or whipped cream.

No Bake Chocolate Oat Cookies
This is so great for the oven-phobic sugar monger.

In a pan mix one cup of sugar with a half-cup of milk, five spoons of cocoa and a stick of margarine. Cook until it comes to a simmer and is totally melted and foamy. Remove from heat and stir in three heaping handfuls of oats and a little drizzle of vanilla extract. Mix well and drop by the spoonful onto waxed paper or parchment paper. When it cools it'll get hard and turn into nice little cookies. You can play with this recipe and try adding chocolate chips or raisins too, if you like.

Chocolate Pretzels
This one's easy. Just melt chocolate chips in the top of a double boiler and as soon as the chocolate melts, dip in your pretzels. Next, put the pretzels on parchment paper or wax paper until the chocolate cools.

Pecan Pie
Beat about three eggs with a full cup of sugar a heaping spoonful of flour and a half-cup of corn syrup. Add a half stick of melted margarine and a drizzle of vanilla extract. Sprinkle a few handfuls of pecans in a pie shell and pour in your egg stuff. Bake at about 350 degrees until you see a little crust forming -- maybe 15 minutes -- then lower your oven to 300 until the pie is done. Your total cooking time should be about an hour.

Well bon bons, there ya' have it. So little time, so much sweet sin to conjure up.

Bon appetit!


View All of Chef Rossi's Cooking Articles

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