So, yes, like I was saying -- welcome to another rant and roll a la Rossi.

You see my ravishing raviolis, it's not like I'm food obsessed or anything, it's just that I am really obsessed with food. So I figure why not turn you all into food freaks too and then they'll be so many of us nobody will notice how weird I am.

Now the trick to becoming a real deal food freak is to just throw away all the rules and regulations that have been drummed into your head about what good food is, how to follow a recipe, what is or is not fancy, and especially what is or is not trendy. God I hate that!

You have got to get down deep into yourself and find your inner bad kid who still wants to make pizza out of "Play dough." (Hey, it could work!)

Now stay with me chitlins, are you ready? Take a deep breath -- in, out, in, out. Now repeat after me... I am food... I am a freak... I am a food freak... Martha Stewart is really scary... Food is good... Maaarthaaa isss baaad... Aaahhh...

Can you feel it biscuits? That burst of internal sauce? That's your inner food freak banging at the walls of your internal kitchen screaming "Give me a pot and something to put in it!"

Now comes the fun part.

All the recipes for today's column are not meant to be precisely followed at all. The purpose is to glance at them briefly, then throw them into the air, scream your head off and do your own thang. Have a dad-burn party! Make your own masterpiece!

These are one dish dinners and you can accent them however the hell you want to. I like to accent my chili by wearing a cowboy hat, spurs and nothing else. I accent my jambalaya by wearing a big ol' snarling alligator, but that's just me chitlins -- and I don't recommend doing that at home.

So without further stirring of the sauce, here goes the one pot supper vittles! By the way, that's Ms. Food Freak to you darlins. And don't ya' forget it.

The Best Little Chili in Texas
SautŽ a few chopped onions. Add a few cloves of minced garlic. Cook for a few minutes then add a few pounds of ground beef. Brown the meat and add a big can of tomato sauce, a good pinch each of cumin, cayenne and cinnamon, two heaping pinches of chili powder, a few bay leaves, salt and pepper to taste, enough cups of water to turn the whole thing into a sauce, a few good drizzles of soy sauce, a few good drizzles of balsamic vinegar and a few good drizzles of Worcestershire. Let the whole shebang simmer for at least two hours and add more water if you need to. (You don't want your chili drying out.) When you're done cooking, adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper and hot sauce - that's if you want to get things nuclear. Top with a ton of grated cheddar or Monterey Jack and serve. I like to serve with a big pile of tortilla chips, some rice and lots and lots of ice cold drinks 'cause it's hot and spicy -- like me.

Jumping Jambalaya
Melt one stick of sweet butter and sautŽ a few chopped onions until they're nice and soft. Add a few stalks of sliced celery, a few cloves of minced garlic and one diced bell pepper. SautŽ a few more minutes. Add a big ol' can of whole tomatoes, plus two heaping spoonfuls of tomato paste. Season with oregano, thyme, parsley, salt, pepper and cayenne and simmer for ten minutes. Stir in one pound of sliced andouille sausage -- or whatever kind of sausage you can find, a few heaping handfuls of peeled and cleaned shrimp and a few heaping handfuls of cubed ham or smoked turkey. Simmer for 15 minutes. Stir in four cups of cooked white rice. Season again and simmer for a half-hour or pour into a baking dish and bake at 350 for a half-hour. Serve this with some biscuits. You don't need much else, except a cold beer and some hungry friends, of course.