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Lesson
One: Social
/ Political Concern
Essays
Please
select from the following sample application essays:
SAMPLE
ESSAY 1: Carnegie-Mellon, current affairs: Middle
East debate
A
Greek philosopher once said, "In argument, truth is
born." Even though sometimes feelings and emotions come
into play that confuse the issue at hand, usually an
argument results in a new insight on the subject. Even
if a person holds strong views that are unshaken by
anything his adversary may say, he may nevertheless
gain from the debate. It forces him to organize and
analyze his views, leaving him with a clearer understanding
of the subject than before. Further, his opponent’s
arguments help him better appreciate his views and their
differences. Finally, the argument forces both to look
inwards, at their character and value system.
For
these reasons, I enjoy debating issues that are important
to me and about which I hold strong views. One such
issue receiving great national attention is the Middle
East peace process. While the peace process has always
been important to the American community as a whole,
and more specifically to the Jewish American community,
the assassination of Israel Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin
has focused the spotlight upon it, as well as intensified
the debate around it. Since I attend a private Jewish
school, I often discuss this topic with my peers, often
finding myself in the minority. Most of them support
the peace process, while I adhere to the views of the
Likud (opposition) party, which opposes the peace process.
Complicating
the issue are several emotional stigmas that are often
attached to it, transforming the discussion from an
objective one to one driven by passion. The foremost
of these stigmas is the accusation, which is often hurled
at the opponents of the peace process, of promoting
war and violence. Often made by people who know little
about the issue, this view fails to realize that opposition
to the peace process does not imply opposition of peace.
Rather, it implies disapproval of certain tactics and
specifics of the peace process as it was carried out
by Rabin.
Another
commonly advanced accusation against American Jews who
disagree with the peace process centers around the question
of whether they have the right to influence Israeli
policy. "You don’t have to send your children to the
Army," it is said, "your children don’t die in wars.
What right have you to oppose peace?!" The fallacy of
this argument is that it doesn’t differentiate between
belief and action. While it is true, for precisely the
reasons above, that American Jews have no right to try
to influence Israeli policy, that does not preclude
them from having ideas of what that policy should be.
Finally,
the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin has introduced yet
another dimension into this debate. In its aftermath,
opposing the peace process sometimes is identified with
condoning the assassination itself. Such an identification
of the man and his beliefs involves grave dangers, such
as rashly implementing his ideas in a flurry of compassion
and commiseration.
What
all of these stigmas have in common is that they forsake
logical and objective debate, opting rather for emotions,
generalizations and accusations. And the dangers of
that happening are the main lesson I learned from my
debates. While those debates have shed new light on
the issue and have forced me to reconsider what I think
is moral and just, most importantly they have demonstrated
the necessity of objectiveness and removal of emotions
from the discussion, especially when, as in the case
of the peace process, thousands of lives are at stake.
When passions and hatred take over, we must stop and
think of what it all is really about.
COMMENTS:
The
social concerns or ethics essay is notoriously difficult
to write. This essayist tackles it well with solid arguments,
clear thinking, and good structure. The main suggestion
for improvement came from one officer who felt that
the statements made in the first paragraph were too
broad and lofty for a college essay.
Very
clear headed.
This
student put time and energy into this essay and
it shows in the writing style, the flow of discourse
and the conclusions that the writer comes to in
the end. It is a well thought out essay with depth
and focus.
This
essay is well written, and brings out an interesting
point of view, one of which I had not been aware
until now. This author grasps the subtleties of
a difficult political position. I think he would
be an interesting person to know, and would certainly
make people think, both in class and in discussions
outside of academics.
The
argument in the essay is logical and substantiated
with solid examples, making it an effective representation
of the student’s thought and writing style while
revealing the student’s personal opinions on the
Middle East peace process.
Back
to Top
SAMPLE
ESSAY 2: Harvard, current affairs/family illness:
Medicine
The
Key to Medical Advancement
Throughout
the twentieth century, virtually every aspect of modern
medicine has reaped the rewards of technological advancements.
Society will be forever indebted to those pioneers who
conceived the vast array of preventions, treatments,
and cures that are readily available to mankind today.
Apparently, the imaginations of these pioneers know
no boundaries, for every day we are informed of progress
in yet another domain of study.
Until
recently, relatively little ethical consideration needed
to accompany our quest for improvement. Indeed, few
can find moral fault with important discoveries such
as a polio vaccine and insulin. However, medicine is
now venturing into areas, such as genetics, which explore
the very core of human existence. Consequently, I believe
that if medical advancements in these fields are going
to continue to benefit society, we need to consider
all possible ethical effects before implementing new
discoveries. We must ensure that the potential for abuse
will not override the capacity for gain.
One
of the biggest breakthroughs in genetics has been the
use of bacteria to genetically engineer drugs such as
insulin and growth hormone. Five years ago, a brain
tumor destroyed my brother’s pituitary gland. He now
takes genetically engineered growth hormone on a daily
basis to replace that which he no longer naturally produces.
This technology has helped give back to him a portion
of what he lost to the tumor. An effort is currently
underway to make growth hormone more readily available
to the general public for treatment of ailments such
as osteoporosis, severe burns, and infertility. Many
people could benefit from growth hormone, but there
is also a high probability that it will be abused for
athletic purposes. Football great Lyle Alzado appeared
on national television appealing to the public to refrain
from misusing the growth hormone which he felt was responsible
for his brain cancer. Therefore I feel we need to limit
how available we make the drug in order to ensure that
it does more good than harm.
Research
in genetics is also helping us to locate genes which
are linked to diseases such as Cystic Fibrosis, Sickle
Cell Anemia, and Huntington’s disease. The knowledge
of these genes may lead to better treatments and maybe
even a cure one day. As well, genetics is now being
used in amniocentesis tests to determine, for abortion
purposes, if an embryo has an abnormality such as the
medical condition known as Down’s Syndrome.
Giving
people the opportunity to abort an unplanned child is
an issue all by itself. Giving people the opportunity
to abort a planned pregnancy because the child isn’t
what they wanted is absolutely ludicrous. I am a support
worker for a child who has Down’ Syndrome. He’ every
bit as much a human being as you and I, and therefore
is entitled to all the privileges that accompany the
status. Every day he makes me smile and reminds me of
how lucky I am simply to be alive. He is the epitome
of the innocence which is all too often absent from
our fast-paced lives.
What
happens when our knowledge expands, as it inevitably
will, and an amniocentesis can test for hair and eye
color? Will we abort a pregnancy because the child won’t
develop blond hair and blue eyes? After all, the argument
could be made that a poor physical appearance may cause
hardship in life. More importantly, if the technology
becomes available, will we custom design children to
our specifications by manipulating their genes? Whatever
happened to playing the cards we’re dealt? If we’re
not careful we might create another Frankenstein.
Implementing
these, and other technologies raises some critical ethical
issues. A world war took place over 50 years ago because
numerous countries intensely disagreed with Adolf Hitler
on some of these same issues. Hitler wanted to create
a supreme race and eliminate disabled people such as
those having Down’ Syndrome. Do we agree with basic
principles behind Hitler’ intentions and merely disagree
with the method he employed? Hitler was one of the most
despised men of modern history. Don’t look now, but
it appears as though we’re simply taking a different,
more accepted route to the same destination.
Technology
seems to be growing at an exponential rate. Every door
we open leads to more doors which conceal secrets. The
majority of the population can only imagine the excitement
of opening one of these doors for the first time ever.
The pursuit of this excitement has understandably overwhelmed
us. We’ve been blindly unlocking doors as fast as possible
with little concern for what might lie beyond the door.
However, if mankind is going to continue to prosper
we need to start peering through the keyhole to see
what lies beyond the door. Then, and only then, can
we catch a glimpse of the pros and cons of opening it.
Until
now, the main difficulty in unlocking a door has been
finding the right key. Perhaps the true challenge actually
lies in deciding which doors should be opened and which
doors are better left untouched. The principle consideration
in making this decision needs to be the ethics of its
potential applications.
COMMENTS:
This
applicant took a risky approach by tackling a tough
subject-one that would be hard for most college graduates
(let alone a high school senior) to write about succinctly.
However, the writer made a good effort. As one officer
commented, "The author obviously thinks deeply about
these important issues, and an admission officer would
recognize that this student would probably think deeply
about other issues raised in classes." Tackling these
big issues brings two inherent risks. First, the subject
matter begs a serious approach, and the writer risks
coming across as stiff and impersonal. Second, the writer
risks getting in over his or her head and can end up
making general claims without the experience or ability
to back them up.
This
student holds incredibly passionate beliefs about
the ethics of medical research. But ethics is a
slippery topic, far too subjective for the amount
of generalizations he has made. The "we need tos"
and "we musts" make his assertions a little too
final.
The
language is a bit stiff and awkward, and the essay
tends to ramble.
"Five
years ago, a brain tumor destroyed my brother’
pituitary gland." This would be a great opening
sentence! So why is it buried? Personal experience
is always a useful tool for introducing one’ own
beliefs, much more so than unsupported blanket statements.
Had the student begun here, he would have written
a stronger essay without having to compromise his
position one bit.
In
paragraph seven: Be careful! The Holocaust is a
loaded example. There was a lot more to it than
just eradicating disabilities. Make sure you understand
the implications of the parallels you draw.
It
is dangerous for a nonprofessional (especially a
high school student) to attempt writing as though
the essay will be presented at a professional conference.
You may be writing to someone who knows much more
than you and will be irritated by your hackneyed
proclamations. I give my students this advice: "Write
small." Keep the topic close to your own life and
write only about something you know.
I
admire the student for voicing his beliefs, but
I’d admire him even more if he had played devil’
advocate a bit. One of my former professors always
admonished, "Seek the truth in what you oppose and
the error in what you espouse." What are the weaknesses
in his arguments? Is a technical advancement without
extensive debate on the potential ethical pitfalls
ever appropriate? Addressing such questions would
go a long way in communicating to the admissions
committee that the author is an open minded (if
steadfast) person.
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