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Lesson
Three: Cause and Effect Sample Essay
SAMPLE
ESSAY 1:
Columbia, Musician (cello)
For
some reason, my parents felt the necessity to inundate
me at a young age with extracurricular activities. After
school, I was always being driven from tennis to violin
to swimming to cello to baseball to piano to karate
to near craziness! I could have been called the worldās
busiest kid at the time. From two of the activities,
I have reaped the most benefits. Although my cello has
been used less frequently than my tennis racquet, the
musical instrument creates the most meaningful ideas
in my life.
However,
my appreciation for playing the cello did not come immediately.
From the time I was nine years old until I left for
prep school, I detested Sunday. The first day of the
week was torturous "cello day": I practiced all morning,
had a lesson during the afternoon, and came home in
the evening exhausted. But today, I thank austere old
Professor [teacherās name] for forcing me to learn the
art in music.
With
the hectic schedule I have year round, being overwhelmed
is not a difficult task. Therefore, I consider playing
the cello one of the most rewarding aspects of my life.
Very few people have the luxury of being able to absolutely
enjoying themselves in the middle of a workday. I can
bomb a physics test, and then five minutes later be
in heaven. Totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to
the rhythm created by my bow and my fingers; both of
my arms work in harmony. Eyes closed, I reach the final
note and my left hand creates a slow, soothing vibrato-mediocre
cello playing at its perfection.
The
cello reigns as the supreme instrument in my mind. Whether
blusteringly chaotic or lovingly sweet, good cello playing,
with its deep, rich tones and fantastically broad range
is the epitome of expression. I also have ample opportunity
for the other half of art-interpretation. I feel a delight
beyond description when listening to Pablo Casals or
Yo-Yo Ma. I am able to just sit there and think about
my life, and their masterful music can make me feel
ebullience or rage. Most importantly, whether I listen
to music or play it, I can reflect upon and enjoy life
as one special being.
I
wish the venerable Professor [teacherās name] could
be alive today to hear me play the cello. "With feeling,"
he would always say. Whenever I played a note out of
tune, Mr. [teacherās name] would yell at me until I
cried. But now, with my newfound love for the cello,
even if he screamed in my ear, I would continue to relish
my playing and let him go until he became hoarse.
COMMENTS:
This
essayist does a clever job of combining his focus on
the cello with gentle reminders that he is involved
in much more as well. He does this by beginning with
brief mention of "tennis . . . violin . . . swimming
. . . cello . . . baseball . . . piano . . . karate
. . .." in the second sentence. Then he quickly hones
in on the cello alone, making only one additional indirect
mention of the "hectic schedule I have year round."
He wisely does not go into more detail about the other
activities. This single reference is enough, since the
admissions officers can easily refer to the rest of
the application for more detail on his other involvements.
This writer also does a good job of showing his love
for the cello by painting a picture of himself playing:
"totally relaxed, I sway back and forth to the rhythm
created by my bow and my fingers; both of my arms work
in harmony. Eyes closed, I reach the final note and
my left hand creates a slow, soothing vibrato·" This
image is likely to be the one that sticks in admissions
officers minds, making him more memorable.
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